![John Pepper's Guide to Northern Ireland/ Ulster ['Norn Iron'] phrases, knowledge and humour](http://www.irelandseye.com/irish/traditional/humour/jpepper/john_pepper_image.jpg) John Pepper reflects on
'Ulster Place Names'
The observational humour of John Pepper extends further than the overheard comment or analysis. Local history and regional songs also feature:
There are many traditional rhymes ssociated with towns, towlnands and villages. Many echo old coaching days, but are still remembered and still quoted.
Portavogie is a poor wee hole,
They burn the wrack [sea-weed] to save the coal;
They drink salt water to save sweet milk
And they're the boys who can wear the silk.
The measurements seem to have gone wrong somewhere in:
From Augher to Clogher to Fivemiletown
It's six miles up and seven miles down
From Cullyhanna to Crossmaglen
You'll find more rogues than honest men.
There are many variations of one rhyme, depending on the origins of the person quoting it:
Lisnaskea for drinking tea,
Maguiresbridge for brandy,
Tempo is a dirty wee hole
But Rosslea is a dandy.
Another version runs:
Augher, Clogher, Fivemiletown,
Tempo is the cleanest town,
Pettigo for bottled stout
But Bangor's full of hooks and touts.
The rhymers leave few stones unturned in their efforts:
Toome for poteen,
Cookstown for stout,
Ardglass for herrings
And lie-abouts.
Ballycastle for yellow man,
Bangor for girls who want a man,
Ballyclare so sweet and fair,
Bangor for lads with Mohican hair,
Belfast for pubs that are never without,
Ballymena with nothing for nowt.
There are a few places without their own special rhymes, some flattering, some denigratory:
Magheramorne for pigs and sows,
Ballygowan for brandy,
Moneyrea for baps and tae
But Cummer is the dandy.
The last line gives the dialect rendering for 'Comber'. In fact it is the Gaelic word for it.
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